santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm down on the xmas stuff!-Santa

   I feel like the little kid before Christmas... cant wait to get up and see what St. Patty has for me under the keg !

   Our business says Merry Christmas!

   People still shooting off fireworks better be careful that they don't hit any of the Christmas decorations they never took down.

   All I want for Christmas is the charges dropped.

   What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their tiny balls sparkle.

   Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"

   What do people with spinning flashing inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments think is tacky?

   ♪ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   The first time a man sees a woman naked is like a child seeing a present on Christmas morning.

   wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?

   All of these couples in the Hallmark Christmas movies that fall in love in a couple of days should have sequels on the Crime Network by Halloween when one of them murders the other one.

   My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   its christmas time. lets see some funnies and not democratic bull

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.

   Whew!!.. just in time ... I got all my Christmas shopping done with one fell swoop... I hope everyone enjoys their Netflicks trial offers :)

   Dear Santa , before I try to explain . Just how much do you aleady know .

   Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = Sex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE

   Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.