life Funny Status Messages

   I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say "Seriously?"

   My life can be summed up in an overwhelming urge to wash my hands.

   It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's a life of piracy on the high seas.

   My life coach just benched me.

   My life is like a romantic comedy expect there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.

   My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.

   my life is like Jurassic Park but with no dinosaurs, just the part about a fat guy who resents his employer

   When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.

   If at the end of your life you have no regrets, you did it wrong.

   The captain of the Costa Concordia is maintaining he only abandoned ship before the passengers because he tripped and fell in to a life boat. I find this very feasible as I once accidently tripped and my pen!s fell in to my wife's sister.

   May the blessings of the new year pass me by and find someone less fortunate. My life is not perfect but I have no reason to complain. I am lucky to have what I have.

   If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.

   Pretty much all of the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

   Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month.

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life, but at least I've never signed up at the gym in January.

   Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about.

   Congratulations to Jay-z and Beyonce on the birth of their baby. She won't have to work a day in her life, they should call her Lay-Z

   I would not say that I am living in the fastlane, but I am experiencing life at a high rate of WTF's per minute.