Funny Status Messages

   So the house used to film the Jersey Shore is now for rent. Can you imagine what you would see if you went thru there with a UV light? Yes, that's right.... hair gel EVERYWHERE.

   If Facebook isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it

   Why do the guys at Footlocker get so mad when they can't force you to buy socks or extra shoe cleaner.

   Happy 267th birthday, Thomas Jefferson

   if court experience is a must for Obama's Supreme Court selection... I say go with Charlie Sheen

   Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

   My first laptop was an Etch-A-Sketch.

   I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies...

   If no one likes you, you want to re-evaluate yourself because not everyone can be the problem

   Please, write your comments down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.

   Dear Oprah, thanks for clarifying you're not a lesbian. We were all wondering...

   i gotta stop playing call of duty black ops, I swear today at work I thought I could upgrade my staple gun..

   Bella: your pale white and ice cold. You don't eat anything, and I can't find you when the sun's out. I know what you are. Edward: Say it. Say it out-loud. Bella: A...snowman.

   LIFE IS SHORT... PLAY NAKED

   I've started a new exercise regime. Every morning, before I get out of bed, I do one sit-up.

   changed his/her relationship status to "None of you damn business"

   decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, and gyrated for over an hour. Unfortunately, by the time I got the leotard ON, the class was over.

   can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before she discovered Facebook...

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug

   I want a search engine that will tell me where my keys are.