life Funny Status Messages

   Listen baby, You're the person I want to spend my life with for the next hour.

   swears if burn my mouth on ONE MORE PIECE OF PIZZA...I will probably continue to buy and eat pizza for the rest of my life.

   Ladies, He's not looking at p0rn because he's bored with you. He's been dating his hands his whole life, and that's who's getting boring.

   B!tch please, life aint that short to have sex on the very first date.

   A perfect day is everyday I'm spending my life without you.

   Probably the lowest point in my life was when I fucked a guy who liked Nickelback. I'll never forgive myself.

   Yes, I'm on facebook a lot. No, I do not have a life. Yes, I like it. No, I don't think dollar beers, playing horseshoes and cornhole at a biker bar constitutes you having a life either.

   More social media's please.............. I have 20 min of real life to ignore

   My life coach just asked me to leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English"!

   Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book....

   Look at the risks men take when they meet a woman, if they are lucky...they get screwed otherwise they get screwed for life;)

   that sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching a awesome movie :(

   A man is a man all of his life but a woman is only sexy until shes your wife. - A.Bundy -

   Negative Thoughts + Negative People = Negative Life

   What's that thing that's like Photoshop except way easier to use and it's for real life? Oh yeah, vodka.

   Some people in your life are there to serve a certain purpose, well this is your notice your services are no longer needed.

   When you can do the common things in life in a uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

   Life is to short to remove USB safely!!!!!!

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.

   You just don't just come into someones life, make them care and then just leave.