life Funny Status Messages

   BP says it will emerge from the current situation "smaller and wiser." I assume sea life will emerge "shinier and more waterproof."

   They say that if life throws you lemons, throw them back or make lemonade. But them b*stards never said anything about if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah, there's no recovery from that one!

   3 girls I graduated with got engaged yesterday! I, on the other hand, was engaged in knitting in my snuggie while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" for about the hundredth time, and playing Robot Unicorn Attack. Thinking maybe I should get out more....

   Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.

   So you can't even find time in your day to send me just one message? I guess that tells me where I stand.. if you want me in your life, find a way of getting me there.. i'm done trying!

   One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One look, can save a relationship. One person can change your life.

   You may not be familiar with the lesser known dwarf, Stabby. He was away, doing 25 to life.

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable

   .If you have someone great in your life hold on to them and pull them close and keep them tight to you,if not someone else will.

   just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks so if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   It's the strangest feeling when you come out of the cinema when a film ends, because you were so sucked into the film that you forget all about real life.

   Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

   *Taps life on shoulder* What's your fcukin problem with me?

   Man tried to hitch on an Airbus by hiding inside the landing tire... people say he was terminally ill! what a turbulent life...

   No one dies a virgin, life screws us all

   Life has no remote. You have to get up and change it yourself.

   Life is no longer a box of chocolates, I ate them all.

   The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.

   Pro life tip:I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to not break the law.If I do break the law, then I comply with their authority.If I do not agree with their authority I surrender and allow due process with an attorney.

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.