life Funny Status Messages

   If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.

   All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)

   I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life

   Saw a magazine with two girls on it from the show Teen Mom that said "Teen Mom Ruined my life" REALLY?? I supposed the fact that you couldn't keep your panties on in the first place had NOTHING to do with it?

   As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life.

   They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.

   just had the worse sex of my life..... opps I forgot you were on my friends list.

   Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard.

   Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.

   There are certain truths in life: Lasagna just tastes better the next day as a leftover!

   I truly wonder how much better life would be if people were required to fill out a CAPTCHA before breeding.

   annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.

   isn't it funny that when your internet goes down, your computer becomes completely uninteresting anymore? ........and you actually wanna go out and have a life?

   Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you're hot.

   Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.

   Before the Facebook, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life.

   My favorite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.