life Funny Status Messages

   For once in my life, I like to push a cart in Walmart, let it go and roll for at least two feet straight WITHOUT fu¢king turning left on its own.

   you look like one of those people who smoke pot but still look like they're going somewhere in life. I like that.

   I wish there was a rewind button in life.

   When things in your life don't add up, use math. It solves problems!

   Life isn't like a box of chocolate. It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow..

   6.9 billion people, 6.9 billion different opinions about life, the world, and God.

   In my life, I have gotten much more useful and practical advice from Cesar Millan the dog whisperer than I have gotten from Dr. Phil.

   First scoop of Mars soil contains 2% water, now all we need is malt, hops, and yeast and life would be all good.....

   Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

   Sometimes life is like a profile picture....you have to ''crop'' people out that no longer deserve to be ''in the picture"

   Nothing like watching a Nicholas Cage movie to remind you that your life could be worse, you could be Nicholas Cage.

   LEON- Mathilda, nothing's the same after you've killed someone.. Your life is changed forever. You have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life...

   Best part of my life is chocolate ice cream

   "no one told you life was gonna be this way," but later in the same song... "you're mother warned you there'd be days like these"...well did your mother tell you or not? Can I get some consistency please?

   You're really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women

   never make someone a priority in your life when you are only any option

   I used to be a life gaurd, untill that damn blue kid got me fired!

   Babe, I can't promise you that you won't have problems in your life...but I can promise you that you'll never have to face them alone..

   I was told to get a life so Up Up, Down Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start now I have 30 of them!

   I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.