life Funny Status Messages
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I try to live my life everyday as if it were my last. And who wants to do laundry on their last day? Not me… 
The best things in life are not things...they're acts. Whether it be acts of kindness, comedy acts, or sex acts.
How many selfies does it take to fill the emotional blackhole in a person's life?
judging by the adds google has picked out for me I live a pretty crazy *ucking life
cop pulled me over and was out of tickets, happiest day in my life
With "Lost" and "American Idol" finished what am I supposed to do with my life, I guess I'll go enjoy that hot orange thing in the sky!
The average octopus spends two thirds of its life rolling its sleeves up
Life has handed me a lot of things. Except lemons. The great mystery of life for me has not been "Why are we here?" or "What is my purpose?". Actually I'd be happy just finding out where exactly the free lemon line is.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no beer. And without beer, I'll kill you all.
Life is too shart. Stupid autocorrect ツ
may your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it on facebook
The women's US gymnastics team is awesome! I have never seen more beautiful floor exercises, high bars or labia majora in my life.
There comes a time in life when all you can do is just slap the b*tch!
"thinking life's allot like super Mario bros, gotta slay a few dragons to get to the princess"
Joe Dirt says 'Lifes a garden Dig It' I say 'life is NOT a garden so stop being a hoe!'
Jesus changed your life? My remote's broken.You think you can get him to change the channel?
Perfect example of living life to the fullest kids...... RIP Ryan Dunn, jackass.
Evaluate the people in your life; Then promote, demote or terminate! You're the CEO of your life....
Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life [Search Results] [View All Messages]
