Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
App: This app would like to use your location. Me: NOT NOW I’M SITTIN’ ON THE TOILET!! 
The First Step in AAA is admitting your car has a problem.
You’ve been married more than 10 years so when your husband says he has big plans for you tomorrow he means he needs help cleaning the gutters
Why is ham the only lunch meat that gets its own radio
Arm wrestling your spouse for the last donut is not foreplay, I know this now.
You’re not alone. You have an ecosystem of microorganisms on your skin.
why do marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what the powerpuff girls did in 11 minutes
Wife got me a heart-shaped pizza made with cauliflower crust, talk about mixed messaging.
OK. Who is the genius who decided to call them Dentures and not Substitooths?
What’s worse: a broken heart, or knowing you’ll never be flexible enough to roundhouse kick your boss in the face?
Period pains? Try having a b0ner in jeans....
What I learned from the Grammys: Lady Gaga SILL terrifies me, Beyonce apparently has seizures while performing, Taylor Swift has some VERY adult teeth in her teen-aged mouth, & Lil Wayne was lookin like a fool with his pants on the ground!
There are going to be so many Snookis this year for Halloween. I think I will dress up as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.
thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks
There needs to be free birth control handed out at welfare offices...agreed??
Prank: Have 10 friends call the same phone # for a week & ask for Jim. Then call it yourself & say “this is Jim, do I have any messages?”
Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!
Everytime I enter a Plane I gotta ask the Arab sitting next to me if he Got plans for tomorrow.
i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese
Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile. 