life Funny Status Messages

   When life knocks you down...Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a b!tch"

   I hear people talking about their lactose intolerance all the time. I guess I could live with that but if I ever developed tequila intolerance life would no longer be worth living.

   A cool way to second guess your entire life is to go online and read reviews of every movie you think is awesome.

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   Life puts a continual set of roadblocks in our way. Keep knocking that sh*t down and move forward.

   When life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.

   I spend 500% of my life exaggerating!

   OK if you really want me to watch soccer so be it. but for the life of me I don't understand why the counter counts up????

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   If my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not the special edition with all the deleted scenes I've blocked from my memory.

   I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...

   If your laugh in real life sounds like "Bwahahaha", guaranteed I won't be funny around you.

   I ruined somebodys life today... They stole my identity.

   I met the love of my life at Starbucks. She was beautiful, but I knew I had to drink her eventually.

   my computer decided to restart itself, and I lost the 37 tabs I had open. my life is in shambles

   Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral.

   I am so happy with my life I want to go out and punch someone in the face to celebrate.

   The point of YOLO isn't to party and do a bunch of crazy sh*t cause you only live once. The points to go out of your way to do nice things, live life to the fullest.

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.