life Funny Status Messages

   A Life ?! Where can I download one of those?

   I replied "maybe" to your facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life's journey.

   i buy my own f*cking lemons because you know what? life doesn't hand anyone anything for free.

   I will not chase you after anyone anymore!.......If you walk out of my life, I'll hold the F-N door open for you!!!

   glad Alex Trebek's life isn't in *puts sunglasses on* jeopardy.. actually I really don't care.

   U.S. television game show host Alex Trebek is recovering from a mild heart attack he suffered on Saturday, but not worry his life is not in Jeopardy.

   Porn has ruined my life. My toilet is blocked and I'm too scared to call the plumber :(

   Life sucks when a girlfriend doesn't

   Every mile you jog adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 85 you can spend an extra 5 months in a nursing home at $8,000 per month.

   Saying that an iPhone is the best phone because of the battery life is like saying my bicycle is the best car when it comes to fuel economy.

   Don't take life too seriously. Sometimes you have to learn to laugh at yourself. If not call me, I'll be glad to laugh at you :D

   My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.

   Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and enjoy life!!

   I will never let my life be defined by my reactions to what other people think, say or do. Greatness lies just past pettiness.

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   Getting really into filling life's emptiness with carbs.

   I like to take a day off every now and then to create the illusion of a real life.

   Sometimes when I play a game on my computer ,the screen goes dark . and I see my own reflection in the screen and wonder what I am doin with my life ..then the next level starts.

   Any good lawyers out there? I just found out that some broad named E.L. James is using me and my life as the inspiration for the main male character in some book she has out, without asking me for permission or giving me any of the proceeds. I'm outraged

   You just don't just come into someones life, make them care and then just leave.