love Funny Status Messages

   Dear pretty girls in my classes, You have significantly improved my attendance. Keep doing what you do. Much love, The brunette guy you keep catching staring at you.

   The only "B" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B!tches love being called beautiful.

   won't be able to spend Valentine's Day with the love of his life who keeps him warm, cosy and protected!!! I'm sorry bed but I'll be cheating on you with that b^tçh mistress of mine I call work.

   What's black, lies on the floor, "Will Always Love You" and has white stuff around it's nose? A border collie.

   The greatest love of all, is the 8ball I've got in me...

   I thought LL in LL Cool J meant :adies Love....it obviously means "Lip Licker" cuz that's all he does after he finishes a sentence!! Gotta love the Grammy's!!

   "I warned her.." -courtney love

   2 entirely different phrases; each have 3 words and 8 letters: “I Love You!” vs. “Go To Hell!”

   If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it.

   The only person I'd ever take love advice from is that French candlestick from Beauty and the Beast.

   RELATIONSHIP TIP: You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Becoming happy with who you are and acknowledging your flaws.

   Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages.

   The only "b" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B**ches love to be called beautiful.

   I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut.

   People who say, “I am a lover NOT a fighter” are full of bullsh!t. If you love something, you WILL fight for it.

   Teacher: If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him, what virtue will I be showing? Student: Brotherly love!

   I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as good as nature did.

   I LOVE rumors! they tell me things about myself that I never even knew!

   There are two things a man can never hide: 1. When he`s drunk, and 2. and when he's in love...

   All of a sudden I love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.