life Funny Status Messages

   Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.... Yeah,, us guys tend to do better when we are properly supervised.

   We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.

   We are all turds in the punch bowl of life.

   When life Knocks you down, calmly get up, smile, and say " You hit like a Bi&ch"

   XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!

   Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.

   Rather than wasting time preparing to go to heaven when you die, how about joining us in celebrating and enjoying life here on earth.

   I want a person to come into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

   Hmmm,,, So all the instruments used to find "intelligent life" pointed "AWAY" from earth???,,,,, Yeah,, that makes sense...

   If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job wuld just come available I'll get it!!!''

   All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

   Sometimes life beats you up and you forget how awesome you are. Thank god for alcohol to help you remember.

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   Life needs to give out Vodka now, enough lemons collected

   A life?! Where can I download one of those?

   If you surround yourself with people who are full of drama, don't b*tch if a sh*tstorm is always blowing through your life.

   If you think my status upd@tes are ridiculous, you should see my life choices.

   There are certain things in life that are a waste of time and energy. That's why I don't hold in my farts

   Never in my life have I ever seen someone so excited to take a sh!t!----Those Bears in the Charmin commercial

   Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about.