life Funny Status Messages

   I'm an overachiever when it comes to underachieving in life.

   Sometimes Religion is a crutch for the weak, the lazy, the clueless and the plain ignorant. Many times I have witnessed Christianity used as a refuge by some people who cannot deal with life and its daily struggles, so they turn towards religion for help.

   Dear coworkers, I am never going to eat anything you cooked and brought in. I've seen the quality of your work here and I value my life.

   According to my horoscope, I'm going to get rich today. According to my Youtube comments, I'm a "douche." Life is confusing.

   Fake Love: Her: Good morning love of my life, beat of my heart. Him: God morning sunshine, reason I live. True Love: Her: coffee if you want it. Him: Ehhhh.

   Ladies, if you ever need to fend off an attacker, just start talking about what's been going on in your life.

   Life is a fill-in-the-blank choose your own adventure scratch & sniff coloring book with missing pages and pop-ups.

   My objective is to die young...as late in life as possible...

   The words that make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life = "I need to talk to you."

   I'm just like Jesus except I can't turn water into wine, just life into shi t.

   The moment you understand the value of life, is the moment you die.

   Another weekend.. another opportunity to ruin a woman for all other men who may follow in her life.

   Whenever I see a guy in jean shorts I feel sad that he has nobody in his life to say, "You really shouldn't wear those."

   wiping my ass with the Koran after taking the biggest dump of my life!

   Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life."

   Me: Glad, I am very happy today. Life: lol!! one second :P

   I suppose the Australians have never started a trend in real life, so why not just let them have their fun..

   I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

   What has the world come too? I over heard some people talking. A 15 yr old girl said "I'm pregnant" and I think it was her aunt who said "Congratulations". Are you serious? Congrats? How about you just ruined your life, you dumbass wh0re

   Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom.