life Funny Status Messages

   Coworker invited me to lunch which is hilarious because I've never had a job in my life.

   I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   found the secret to life via this mathematical formula. To calculate, enter the following in Google: exp((-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2))/1000)+exp((-(((x+4)^2+(y+4)^2)^2))/1000)+0.15*exp(-(((x+4)^2+(y+ 4)^2)^2))+0.15*exp(-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2

   "It's the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.

   Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again..

   I was just driving behind a car covered in pro life stickers and I thought "Man, that car hates abortion". Then it dawned on me that I don't know my car's political views. What if my car is a Republican? Or a racist? Maybe I don't want to know. I like my

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself

   Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna suck.

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna damn suck.

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   I wish I had the confidence in real life that ugly people have on Facebook.

   Life holds many challenges an can be quite frustrating. Especially for you because you're a dumba$$.

   My life is everything I don't tell you.

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!

   Life is short. Do as much damage as you can.

   Never forget to love your family.. because when everyone is in and out of your life, family is always there

   I wonder if they had put "Osama bin Laden gave his Life to Christ at a Early Age.." on his Obituary like they do other Criminals?