Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 841 of 6446

Drink a full big glass of FOX News Kool Aid to maintain that blissfully ignorant anti-American Republican frame of mind.
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01-29-2018 15:52
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Happiness is the best drug on earth and I want to be the number one drug dealer
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01-29-2018 14:24 by L
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Some guy knocked on my door earlier today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour." I replied, "You've got the wrong house then mate."
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01-29-2018 12:46 by trickz100
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I'm selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
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01-29-2018 06:06
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Some girls be claiming "hes my world" but this is your fourth "world" in 2 months. My sister, are you building a solar system??
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01-29-2018 06:05
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My Wife Rachel like tall slim guys, and I like older & shorter women. Neither of one of us are what we thought our type was yet & still we're living happily ever after together. Our type has changed into what we see in each other.
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01-29-2018 05:40
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If you cannot afford GYM membership, you can at least afford a Deodorant!
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01-29-2018 05:04
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Seriously its 2018, no one laughs at a joke, you just say LOL or like it and move on, we got no time to laugh !
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01-29-2018 03:25
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Why is Matthew McConaughey still on my tv in car commercial form? Have we learned nothing from our mistakes?
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01-28-2018 21:17 by Cicci
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Last night my refrigerator opened my bedroom door, walked in and stood there and stared at me for a few minuntes, then left and closed the door
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01-28-2018 21:00 by markf
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My wife likes to leave her shoes by the back door, so it always looks like 49 women with the same shoe size are over for a visit
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01-28-2018 20:56
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Cinderella is really a creepy story once you realize she had some odd foot deformity that meant no one else in the kingdom could wear her slipper
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01-28-2018 20:47
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You can have a salad on the side but just make sure your significant other salad nevers finds out
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01-28-2018 20:44
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I guess I should watch the Grammys to see who our next President will be.
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01-28-2018 20:44 by barber
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Ths girl tweeted "your adorable" and I tweeted back "no, YOU'RE adorable" and now I think she completely missed the typo
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01-28-2018 20:38
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I am now at the age that I understand the joy on game shows when someone wins new kitchen appliances
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01-28-2018 20:35
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I keep my credit cards in the refrigerator so they stay fresh past their expiration dates
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01-28-2018 20:30
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I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it's about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
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01-28-2018 20:20
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I think my dog needs training school because he rudely yawned in the middle of my stories.
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01-28-2018 20:03 by markf
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Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? Airport security lifted up her dress and found 200 pounds of crack.
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01-28-2018 18:13
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