life Funny Status Messages

   When you DIE, your True friends will cry. While your Best friends will collect 7 Dragon Balls, just to bring your life back...

   Marriage is probably the most sincere way to tell somebody, "I want to smell every dump you take for the rest of your life."

   Turning over a new LEAF doesn't mean I've changed~I'm still the same TREE~Jus using different branches to feel the sunshine in life~I've had enough of the shade

   Katy Perry looks like if an emoticon came to life.

   Since that very first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew in that moment that I wanted to spend the rest of my life... avoiding you.

   If you think this years elections were nasty think of the ones in thirty years when all of the candidates had a Facebook their entire life.

   Some people suffered in their youth which helped them succeed later in life. For example, if Bill Gates had gotten l@id in high school, there would have been no Microsoft.

   Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.

   Congratulations, you survived the Mayan Disaster. Please resume your life. Thank you.

   The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Girlfriend texted me, "I have tried my best to make this relationship work but I seem to be the only one trying. So I have decided to break up with you and move on with my life. Can you delete my number and never contact me." I replied, "Who's this?"

   12 simple steps to great life in future…. 1) Walk straight up 2) Make 11 steps in front before jumping off the cliff.

   Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …

   You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

   Pro Gun, Pro Gun Control, Pro Life, Pro Choice, Pro This, Pro That, ....How about Pro Common Sense?

   C'mon Lotto! I just want to be rich enough for Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life in real time.

   I just said to myself how life would be simpler without technology and my iPhone said "Ya right" and we laughed and laughed and wrote this status.

   I have spent almost half of my life trying to come up with new ways to get out of things and situations.

   Nothing's driving me insane. Insane is in the passenger seat screaming for it's dear life.