Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 711 of 6382
My 10 year old: Lands 14 platsic water bottle flips in a row, can't hit laundry basket with dirty socks.
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05-16-2018 18:29 by Jsabbage
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A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.
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05-16-2018 18:23 by Jake
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Happy 32nd birthday to "Top Gun". need4speed
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05-16-2018 11:37 by Jsabbage
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I was once in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded. Track number 5 will blow your mind.
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05-16-2018 07:29
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My wife just told me that I need to grow up. I was speechless, but it is kinda hard to talk with 45 Gummie Bears in your mouth.
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05-16-2018 07:25 by Crewz
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit!"
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05-16-2018 01:41
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Hello, 911, I am calling about this African American family, The Jeffersons. I want to complain that they finally got a piece of the pie.
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05-15-2018 22:38
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I wish the weekend came as fast as my ex did.
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05-15-2018 22:35
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Just because it's considered cool to recycle rubbish nowadays, it doesn't mean it's cool to give your cheating ex another chance.
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05-15-2018 22:32
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As a double leg amputee I have to keep positive . I may have lost both legs , but l was only "de-feeted "
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05-15-2018 20:29
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If you can't handle me at my [vomits] Then you don't deserve me at my [passes out]
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05-15-2018 11:03
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Just to be clear, when I came over to your house I had no intention of fighting your cat.
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05-15-2018 11:02
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They can't prove none of your pants fit anymore if you never wear pants.
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05-15-2018 10:58
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When I see names and hearts carved into a tree I don't think it's cute. I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.
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05-15-2018 07:36
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Seriously, if the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
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05-15-2018 07:33
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I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline it logged me back onto MySpace
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05-15-2018 06:35 by Crewz
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In Trump's opinion, his staff member who made fun of John McCain's terminal illness isn't a "traitor," but the people who told the press about it are.
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05-15-2018 04:27
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How to Find the Leaker in 4 Steps: 1) Close your eyes 2) Stand in front of a mirror 3) Open your eyes 4) There’s your leaker!
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05-15-2018 04:26
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Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
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05-15-2018 03:09
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You're not going to be able to build a house with the first swing of the hammer.. so chill the heck out and learn patience...
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05-14-2018 16:52
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