Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 711 of 6446

Building a treehouse is the biggest insult to a tree. "I killed your friend. Here, hold him."
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10-13-2018 18:33
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What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
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10-12-2018 06:55
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Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.

Five minutes into a jog, I convince myself that my personality is enough and jog into a McDonalds
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10-12-2018 04:58
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Not to brag but you’ll never have to tell me to slow down.
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10-12-2018 00:24
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Real life friends? In this economy??
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10-12-2018 00:23
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The lack of hair is the main cause of baldness.
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10-11-2018 22:07 by Haha
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Paintball is so much more fun when the other people at Wal-mart don't I'm playing.
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10-11-2018 17:55
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My wife texted me a selfie and asked if her dress made her look fat, I sai Noo it was autocorrected to Moo... I need help!
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10-11-2018 17:06 by Kannon
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If the best things in life are free, why am I still charged when I go to the liquor store?
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10-11-2018 14:16
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They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic, but so far I’ve made two jugs and a vase!
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10-11-2018 06:26
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What do yot get when you slip in water?............ A waterfall.
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10-10-2018 22:55 by Haha
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A real SMART TV will start raising it's volume when you start eating chips.
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10-10-2018 22:05
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I just saw a man with one arm go into a second hand store.
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10-10-2018 18:09 by JeffW
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Found a great feature Facebook has that not only gives you more privately, it blocks drama and give you more free time to do the things you want to do. And if you'd like to try it go to "Settings" then to "Account Ownership" then click on "Delete Account"
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10-10-2018 16:38
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When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!
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10-10-2018 14:48 by Stevielea
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My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80's far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.
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10-10-2018 13:36 by Stevielea
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If my kids knew the oven had a light, they'd leave it on too...
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10-10-2018 12:00
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Wednesday morning? might as Well call it rensday roaring!
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10-10-2018 06:12
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Bought some unsalted almonds by accident today. Turns out, I like salt, not almonds.
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10-09-2018 19:47
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