life Funny Status Messages

   Time flies when you're having fun, so the more you enjoy life the quicker you'll be dead.

   If anyone ever tells me I put too much parmesan cheese on my pasta, I stop talking to them, b/c I don't need that kind of negativity in my life

   David Caruso finds the bomber dead in a boat,,,"Looks like someone could've used a...." (removes shades)... "Life preserver."

   Yes, I'm on facebook a lot. No, I do not have a life. Yes, I like it. No, I don't think dollar beers, playing horseshoes and cornhole at a biker bar constitutes you having a life either.

   Life is uncertain which is why every morning, before I leave for work, I hug my kids and whisper "avenge me.."

   The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.

   My brain during the day: I need a nap.... My brain at night: I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here & allowed us to sustain human life....

   Nice try, New Testament. The only things that can die and come back to life are zombies and Robert Downey’s acting career.

   How do you get high on life? That would save me a ton of money on street drugs. Answer: intelligence, 'independency', and a good luck accompanying with lots of money!

   How do you get high on life? That would save me a ton of money on street drugs.

   Capital punishment shouldn't even be a debate. You deserve to be put to death if you take a life.

   I was thinking about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..

   Just made up my own personal yoga pose called "Downward Life Spiral".

   I love you so much I increased your life insurance. Now shut up and lets go camping in the bear-infested woods.

   I love you so much I increased your life insurance. Now shut up and drink your poison.

   I'll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I'm thinking to myself..."Umm...isn't that what real life is for?"

   Don't Lie To The Love Of Your Life ..... For The Hoe Of The Night !!!

   When I die I want Charlie Sheen's life to flash before my eyes.

   My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......