life Funny Status Messages

   Just because I constantly think of ways to make your life miserable doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

   i think the guy standing next to me has given up on life, I can tell because he is barefoot at a Wal-Mart urinal..

   You know your life took a turn for the worst when you get interviewed for a job opening by someone old enough to be your grandchild.

   Yes, you can lead a horse to water but you can also bring the water to him. Maybe do something nice for someone else for once in your life... geesh

   Mayweather just made $41 million for a workout. Life is so unfair.

   There's a difference between kissing ass and ass kissing. One gets you ahead in life the other gets you nowhere.

   Walking calmly and nonchalantly to the bathroom and then fighting to get my britches down in record time so's I don't poop down a pant leg seems to be among my most recent list of super powers today. Life is good ツ

   5 years ago I met my wife, the love of my life and my baby momma. It was awkward at first, but they all seem to be getting along now.

   You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head

   Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life so don't be that person that uses stupid cliche's. That's what I'm sayin! You know what I mean??

   You know you have given up on life when you decide to get married.

   Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a woman several shots of tequila and you're in for the night of your life.

   Wow, you couldn't win your online argument so you decided to correct their grammar. You really showed them, you're so god damned thug life!

   Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.

   Life can sometimes be like photography… you need the "negatives" to "develop"

   Some of the most anxious times in my life has been the time it takes a dropped knife to hit the floor instead of lopping off one my toes.

   I refuse to engage in any sort of drama on Facebook. I'm here to escape that in real life.

   Every so often I'll start dating again, just so I can take a break from ruining my own life to focus on ruining someone else's.

   Purposely wearing white today... the thug life continues.

   thats what I like the most about you..the way you constantly enter and exit my life..