santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   Unlike Rudolph, I don't have to visit the Island of Misfit Toys this Christmas. I work there.

   No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.

   Santa is the original Voyager!

   The best thing about having a head shrinker for a friend is knowing that I'll be getting a little head for Christmas.

   Halloween = candy. Thanksgiving = food. Christmas = gifts. New years = drinks. Valentines day = sex. Birthday = all of the above.

   I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   Ok, so Christmas has just started. I guess it's time to start buying Easter decorations!

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   Dear Santa, I've been a naughty girl all year long, and it was worth it you judgemental fat ba$tard!

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   Dear Santa, I've been really good today, so lets focus on that!

   People who buy real Christmas Trees the day after Thanksgiving need some serious help...And if you have your tree up already...You should probably seek medical attention..

   The best thing about partaking in the secret santa at work means I can finally give one special lady the mustache trimmer she so desperately needs.

   Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.

   Please tell me there is not a game of naming one thing you want from now til Christmas

   If you were to combine all the holidays, you'd eat turkey, give presents, hide eggs, light fireworks, and dress like a sIutty nurse all in the same day.