santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.

   According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   Omg.. Why does Lady Gaga look like a skeleton.. Jesus! Its almost Christmas! B!tch is bout 2 months behind!

   Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   Unlike Rudolph, I don't have to visit the Island of Misfit Toys this Christmas. I work there.

   No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.

   Santa is the original Voyager!

   The best thing about having a head shrinker for a friend is knowing that I'll be getting a little head for Christmas.

   Halloween = candy. Thanksgiving = food. Christmas = gifts. New years = drinks. Valentines day = sex. Birthday = all of the above.

   I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   Ok, so Christmas has just started. I guess it's time to start buying Easter decorations!

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!