Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 6148 of 6446

sure i'll sign oprah's pledge to make my car a cell free zone... it'll free up both hands to hold my grey goose bottle.
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03-16-2010 20:34
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's son left his action figures in the bathtub, and Batman is now most definitely in the wrong Batcave!
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03-16-2010 20:16
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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...
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03-16-2010 20:14 by Y.P
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Squirrels - Nature's Speedbumps
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03-16-2010 20:11 by Aaron
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hired a russian housemaid today,it took her 5 hours to hoover the house....turns out she's a slovak.
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03-16-2010 19:45
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Tiger Woods has announced that he will return to golf at next months Masters. Also returning to golf ...television viewers
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03-16-2010 19:32
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MAN'S POEM I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a s**t.
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03-16-2010 19:16
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there is a thin line between sanity and insanity...and I just snorted it.
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03-16-2010 19:12
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Just out of curiousity....Does anyone know how to get blood out of clothes??? Better yet, carpet??? Thanks!!!

If only closed minds came with closed mouths!!.....

so drunk last night, had a blue tooth blinking into my ear and thought the cops were following me
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03-16-2010 18:04
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I liked you until you farted and turned the MUSIC up like it was gonna cover the smell.
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03-16-2010 17:18
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just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
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03-16-2010 17:14
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You give new meaning to the saying "Beaten with an Ugly Stick," it looks more like you were smashed by the whole damn forest.
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03-16-2010 17:08
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just finished her first book!!! man, that was alot of coloring!!
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03-16-2010 17:03 by ANGELA
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It's not even a booty call, it's a drive by... hit it and go.

I had a wet dream about you last night... I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff!
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03-16-2010 16:04
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I'm going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You'll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.”
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03-16-2010 15:53 by Aaron
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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03-16-2010 15:40 by Aaron
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list...
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03-16-2010 15:38 by Aaron
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