santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.

   I guess Jesus was the first kid that got to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas.

   Christmas trees are like boobs. Fake ones are nice to look at, but real ones are better.

   Friends are like a string of Christmas lights. Some are broke, some are burned out, others just don't work for you, a few aren't the brightest, some even need you to untangle the mess they are in..but most of them shine brightest when your day is darkest.

   Still waiting to here those ghost stories they talk about in the Christmas song It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

   Just told my Secret Santa I ran over a bum in Vermont back in 1995 or is that not how it works?

   That grandma that got run over by a reindeer was lucky she never lived to hear the terrible Christmas song they wrote about her.

   "i don't really like blow ups... they just don't do it for me." -overheard in the Christmas inflatables section of Target

   I need to get a santa suit and walk into the strip club to see what the girls will to do santa to get off the naughty list.

   Just told my Secret Santa I murdered a plumber in Vermont in 1995 or is that not how it works?

   All these years in therapy have finally paid off people... My therapist just recommended I get supervision this festive season. I have always wanted super powers! BEST Christmas present ever...

   Dear Obama, It's ok..... No one believes in me anymore either. Sincerely, Santa

   Wearing a Santa hat is a great way let people know you're a wild card.

   My friends are all putting pictures of their kids on their Christmas cards. I dont have kids so I might put a picture of money on mine.

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   Santa I'm sorry I was so naughty! Last year I was so good you brought me a Grill! This year I just needed the coal!

   Sooo, the real moral of Rudolph's story is that no one will like you until you have something they want or need? Now that's the Christmas spirit!

   I'm having one of those "can't get my inflatable Santa-in-a-helicopter to stick to the roof of my inflatable manger" mornings.

   I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."

   Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls!