santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   Omg.. Why does Lady Gaga look like a skeleton.. Jesus! Its almost Christmas! B!tch is bout 2 months behind!

   Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.

   Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......

   I just saved a bunch of money on Christmas by switching to single

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

   Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........

   Unlike Rudolph, I don't have to visit the Island of Misfit Toys this Christmas. I work there.

   No Cyndi Lauper...you're so very wrong. Girls don't just wanna have fun...they want a whole lotta sh!t. Christmas blows. Sincerely - A broke boyfriend.

   Santa is the original Voyager!

   The best thing about having a head shrinker for a friend is knowing that I'll be getting a little head for Christmas.

   Halloween = candy. Thanksgiving = food. Christmas = gifts. New years = drinks. Valentines day = sex. Birthday = all of the above.

   I just finished putting up my Christmas lights...well actually all I had to do was turn them back on again, since they've been up all year anyway.

   Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".

   Ok, so Christmas has just started. I guess it's time to start buying Easter decorations!

   NBA's first games start Christmas day....Worst Christmas present EVER!!

   Dear Santa, I've been a naughty girl all year long, and it was worth it you judgemental fat ba$tard!

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   Dear Santa, I've been really good today, so lets focus on that!