Funny Status Messages

   ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat

   I'm still looking for a girl that can get aroused by the sound of a hard drive spinning down

   I don't think I'm better than others, it just so happens that so far, statistically, I am

   drinking music...most easily available drug...:)

   "mmhmm" is equal to "yea yea I still dnt believe ur ass" .......

   I just heard that the Facebook network is currently down, but this does not affect you as nothing would go down on you...

   sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea and somethin called relationships....

   Don't you miss the times when your parents were your favorite people in the world? When boys, drama, and nothing else mattered to you except how to avoid naptime? I know I do

   i'd be scared if a 400lb glass of koolaid came bursting into my house......

   returning Mike Tyson's pet tiger.

   said "See You Next Tuesday" isn't an invitation to meet up

   says according to maxipad commercials, all women are full of winshield washer fluid

   chinese calendar year of the cow . . .we had mad cow disease.Year of the bird . . .we had avian flu.This year its the year of the tiger...and well we have tiger woods' 'am not a prostitute,am just a sex addict' disease.Hope our women understand.

   Unless you're a steaming hot girl, most people don't really care how your day went. If it doesn't relate to them, then they don't wanna read about it. A friendly Facebook reminder of the STFU Association.

   I love having the power to make you read my status updates for no reason. Who's my b*tch? That's right you are!

   LOVE it when i'm home alone! There is nobody to verify that I have done NOTHING in the last 2 hours.

   When a girl gives me a hug, my hands envy my chest.

   It disturbs me that my boss, the guy who controls whether or not I keep my job, has one of those magic 8 balls on his desk.

   I remember when the phrase "I'm completely bald" only referred to your head.

   I can only listen to you cybergripe about your problems for so long before I expect a pic of your boobs as payment for my services.