Funny Status Messages

   I shoved a hot moist piece of meat in my mouth. first time I really felt dirty from having a bbq

   How come there can't be one less Justin Bieber

   I bet him anul if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

   I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my a$$.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

   A stripper just got mad at me for saying godd@mmit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

   Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

   Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my p*nis".

   Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

   May 4th is Star Wars Day. I hear to celebrate you have to go back to your parent's basement, spend all night alone in a costume, then retreat under the covers with a wookie photo, two cinnabuns, and a flashlight.

   Damn predictive text! I swear, I honestly didn't say I wanna kick your puppy

   A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me

   Real men don't cry........ Real men point and laugh at the fag thats crying...........

   wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!

   thinks that, that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of "ace"....I know from experience!!

   What is the generic brand name for Viagra? Mycauxaphallon.

   "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson

   has turned on Airplane mode on his Palm Pre, but so far it hasn't taken off.

   It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

   two nuns are riding their bikes down a small stone trail, one nun tells the other "wow, I've never came this way before", "yeah I know, it must be these stones

   As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...