Exercise Funny Status Messages

   If I notice you've lost weight and ask what your secret is, and you say, "Diet & exercise!" I will punch you in your skinny face.

   Whenever I say the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with pie!

   I'm on the "I love food more than I love exercise but I love naps more than I love food" diet.

   My signature move is walking past all the ladies in the gym with my chest puffed out before using all of the exercise equipment incorrectly.

   Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

   If I ever say, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I'm talking about eating healthy food or doing exercise and sh*t.

   My favorite exercise at the gym would definitely be judging.

   Me and the missus have got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80s music. Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark....

   I go to the gym once a week, but I don't have to go inside. I get all my exercise walking to the ice cream shop next door.

   The only exercise some people ever get is: running their mouths, jumping to conclusions & pushing their luck.

   . I'm going to start an exercise class that mixes religion into the experience. I'll call it...Pontius Pilates. (insert Dr. Evil pinky in corner of mouth move here)

   The gym manager just gave me a dirty look....Apparently, reverse cowgirl is not an appropriate way to ride the exercise bike.

   I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.

   My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.

   If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior.

   No need to get in shape for me. At work, I get enough exercise by jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running down the boss, knifing co-workers in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck! 

   Sometimes I like to challenge myself AnD exercise at the same time.... Today I made it an extra five minutes just by squirming around and wiggling my foot before I had to run for the bathroom........

   wondering if running late counts as exercise?

   I don't exercise to be healthy. I exercise to look sexy af naked!

   Bi?ch I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply