Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?

   Just walked passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its' wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence please.

   Did you ever stop to think if some of your friends were actually resulting mistakes made by their parents'...."Get-Together?"

   wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacc...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAC-MAN

   If fanny packs were actually awesome, do you realize how easier life would be?

   going to wear 3D glasses today and shout EVERYTHING LOOKS SO REAL!

   Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

   Stop crying. You asked what I thought of your haircut and "macho" is a compliment where I come from, lady...

   I think I have a combination of Alzheimer's and ADD. I can't remember what I wasn't focusing on

   If God didn't think humility was important, he would have put the prostate somewhere else.

   On this day in 1967 Mister Rogers' Neighborhood premiered. To this day I'm convinced that Fred and Mrs. McFeely had something going on.

   what is the square root of pie?...MORE PIE!

   a wife is like the suits of a deck of cards. You need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to beat them when they drive you nuts, and a spade to bury them when their dead

   Ever notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   Every notice how your dream girl often turns into your nightmare?

   every second becomes a minute, every minute becomes a hour but when your living it up every crazy sh#t you did in your life becomes the best memories.

   if Charles is in Charge of our days and our nights, who's this God guy people are talking about?

   With great power comes a great electric bill

   finds the ginkgo biloba pill kinda funny...its for helping ur memory but you got to remember to take the pill in order for it to work

   I just descovered 3 words to make any teenager run in terror. "Time To Clean".....