Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   NFL preseason games are like Cinemax porn. If you haven't seen the real thing in seven months, it gets the job done.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   says if Rihanna liked the way it hurt, she'd still be with Chris Brown

   hey kids.. go back to MYSPACE!!! FB was created for and is for adults ya know...

   219 facebook friends but only 60 numbers saved in my cell phone am I missing something here? who are these people?

   venting on his Myspace that he cant get on his facebook...

   If Yo family says they're proud of you for graduating from everest that means they didn't think you would live that long

   I take a high school dropout more serious than a person that graduated from Everest

   graduating from everest is the same as saying "well I'm a loser & I watch BET all day"

   u know how dumb you will sound if you go in a interview talking bout you graduated from Everest? Ain't nobody gon take serious

   I asked facebook in the help section what exactly is poke?facebook replyed me saying poke is a dirty animal

   Charles D*ckens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

   The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.

   it just me or does the friend finder on facebook seem alittle sketchy!

   those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes

   if you make her laugh she likes you , if you make her cry she loves you , if you make her drunk she puts out Lmao

   that moment you wake up from a drunk night and ure scared to look at ur facebook statuses.

   Would like to give a big shout out to people that are hard of hearing.

   Don't break anyone's heart , they have only one.... Break their bones , they have 206 of them

   My favorite tactic is reverse .ygolohcysp