Funny Status Messages

   Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals.

   ˙ɹǝʌoƃuɐɥ ʇsɹoʍ ǝɥʇ sɐɥ

   can't seem to put out old flames, especially when they come back blazing in glory.

   Think outside the facebox.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.

   One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.

   When I was young I thought getting a yeast infection was sitting on dirty muffins while youre not wearing any underwear!

   Apparently there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

   The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

   From now on I'm boycotting Shampoo....I demand REALPoo!!!!

   I'm always hearing stories of people posting "Inappropriate" pics on Facebook....Why are none of YOU showing me nude pics my friends????

   Thank God Facebook is back on-line! How would I ever find out what everyone had for dinner. Chicken souvlaki. BTW.

   Funny Headline: "Red Tape Holds Up Bridges"

   # # When it comes to poker...a good deal depends on a good deal.

   SPIRITUAL PEOPLE ENLIGHTEN ME, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE FRIGHTEN ME

   hey it`s Friday , lets get pissed !

   Rock is dead; LONG LIVE PAPER!