life Funny Status Messages

   Songle ply toilet paper versus hairy ass. Twenty minutes of my life spent full of fail.

   Females on facebook suffer in silence louder than anyone I've ever met in my life.

   Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

   I can't wait for all the life long residents in NY to see snow for the first time.

   A lawyer and a Priest are in a boat with three young boys, the boat gets a leak and is sinking fast. There are only 3 life jackets. Priest says, " we need to let the boys have these, " Lawyer," Screw those boys" Priest says " Is there time for that?"

   You can never rule out the possibility that someone in your life is dead and you've been getting Weekend-at-Bernie'ed.

   I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.

   No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.

   Since Kanye wants to write a song named 'I Am God' I wanna see him bring his dead mother back to life again.

   Sorry that changing your hairstyle dramatically didn't fix your life

   I just watched the "Times for the Seasons" video, glamour sexy hot chicks from the 60s, the realized they're now either past 80 or dead. ENJOY LIFE GUYS! its over soon

   My FB movie is just 10 years of life kicking my in the balls...

   I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.

   Time is running out for me to discover the meaning of life

   I made this status nice and short so you can just move on with your life.

   And some life's are not meant for happy endings!

   Life is waaaaaay too short to safely remove a usb...

   Some people are better kept only as Facebook friends and never to be interacted with in real life.

   I pondered the meaning of life once, but then I just went back to living it.

   If there is a hell, I already know that I'm going there. So at this point of my life, it's really go big or go home.