Funny Status Messages

   I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."

   Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   Just once I would like the pilot to say "Hey gang, who here wants to just keep flying and see where we end up?"

   All I wanna do is have my mind erased

   It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.

   I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up... cause, you know... I'm still looking for ideas.

   Every guy thinks catching the girl he loves is an amazing accomplishment. Actually, catching the girl is the easy part, keeping her is the real damn accomplishment.

   So many things remind me of You, mostly when I sit on the toilet.

   the font smaller, or am I on acid??

   I don't care what the world knows about me just so long as my parents never finds out

   I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth, then I ask myself the same question...

   no officer, I was not texting...i was on facebook

   i text one of my boss "Whats the difference between this morning and your daughter?".He says "I dont know" .I say "I'm not cuming in this morning

   Call Bruce Willis..I see red people...

   I'm Keyser Söze

   For fun I just increased the font to 200% and it looked like first grade all over again.

   eaten so much Halloween candy that next week it will look like I'm going through puberty again. Hey, maybe this time I will get boobs!

   Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

   just watched half of The Social Network and I got to say to that point it is absolutely one of the most boring movies I have ever seen..right..I know it's more of a movie for academic queers