santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dont be suprised if a big fat man comes down your chimney and puts you in a black sack.. I told him I want you for Christmas.

   Got a note from Santa, said I was in the record books for being on his naughtly list for more than 40 consecutive years......... I guess he didn't appreciate my wish list as I got a return to sender with a LMAO attached......

   We don't have a chimney but I've assured my children that Santa and anyone else could easily sneak into our home at night.

   All I want for Christmas is for her let me stuff her stocking with my holiday joy.

   I haven't received one single greetings card from an Ethiopian . . . . . Do they know its Christmas???

   Your Christmas present will be all the more meaningful to me if you had to pepper spray someone in order to get it.

   We don't have mistletoe at Christmas so we just kiss under the influence.

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person . He sends me a note today "She is your Facebook friend_ you have her already" !

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.

   just opened an envelope with one of those 'glittery' Christmas cards inside, it looks like a unicorn just jizzed in my lap

   Whenever I get a Christmas present that I don't want, I hold onto it and give it to someone else as their birthday gift.

   Its never too early to start drinking on Christmas day :)

   Not feeling the Christmas spirit? Go elf yourself!

   So apparently when you get pulled over around Christmas and the cop asks "Do you know why I pulled you over sir" The incorrect answer is "You know how important of a person I am and you figured this would be the only chance you would get to wish me a Merr

   Those starving without shelter in Africa would be glad to know Americans make houses out of delicious food during Christmas time.

   Feeling poor and full of cookies. You can tell it's Christmas.

   I call dibs on his armored train for Christmas!

   uncertain of what the etiquette is here, I got Kim Jong Il's name in Secret Santa.

   Decided this year I'm replacing the milk and cookies tradition with manly reach around. Just to see if that would get SANTA'S attention.

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..