Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

   An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

   Perseverance is not a passive submission to circumstances , it's not passive endurance -it's a strong and actve response to difficult events of life...it's the quality on standing on your feet as you face the storms..it's not simply the attitude on facing

   ...Dear Katy Perry: there were girls around with nice boobs before you were born. there will be girls around with nice boobs after you die. get over yourself, please.

   have you ever noticed that there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. They either inadvertenly cause drama, or they are prone to the late night drunken facebook status updates

   ‎- The term Friend is put about far too easy .... A friend to me is more about action then words !!!

   Some people were born just to take up space like the first slice of bread in a loaf.

   I like my ice at room temperature.

   I was so depressed last night and called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck….

   SEX is not the answer!! Sex IS the question... 'Yes' is the answer! :)

   Wonders how much I will go for on ebay. Let the bidding begin!!!

   “A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.”

   Hot girls always have their statuses "like"d by dozens of people no matter how stupid the statuses may be.

   I have renamed the Victoria's Secret Wonder Bra to the Victoria's Secret Wendy's Bra, because I know when it's real.

   I live the same way as I type... fast and with lots of mistakes

   singing to the dark through open eyes

   Why when your car breaks down and you push it to the side of the road, does someone ask "is your car broke down?" "NO, I decided to take it for a walk."

   ^v--^v--^v----------------^v--^v woah for a second there I was bored to death

   i have nothing against god, it's just his fan club that i'm against

   I want to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers...