Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you are feeling down because everyone is against you just remember that....Nationwide is on your side.

   I'm not feeling myself today....perhaps I should feel somebody else.

   There comes a time in life when all you can do is just slap the b*tch!

   Up against my facebook wall and spread em!

   I just saw a commercial where every line at Walmart was staffed with a cashier. It's amazing what fantasy you can create on television!

   Anything is possible with the right attitude and sledgehammer.

   Well someone has to be sober.......NOT IT!

   Can you go out with me? ❒ Yes ❒Maybe ✔No

   An optamist can easily be let down, but a pessamist will never be dissapointed.

   can't wait to see the drunk version of me on camera

   Me + Nyquil = <3

   Screw your Four Loko... I've got a Dayquil with a 5hour energy and Grande Latte chaser with my name on it!... If you dont believe me, just ask my pet Unicorn

   I wish I was more mature in high school to understand all those passes made by girls.

   you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.

   Sorry, my social calender is full this weekend. Going to a HoeDown, a Shindig and a Hootenanny.

   doing the Safety Dance and leaving my friends behind.

   will be home late for supper. I'm going to a ho-down and I cant leave until she get's back up.

   Weekend goal: To get some dirty deeds done dirty cheap.

   What's the point of being a lesbian if a woman is going to look and act like an imitation man?

   After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...