Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!!

   Am I the only one that uses the bristles on an esclalator to brush your shoes?

   Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste!

   When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

   Guess what happened to me last night?????? I had a Dream.......

   trying to remember how to read, but these letters are distracting me! >_<

   the Batmobile is for sale on ebay the price is half a million...Anyone want to go in on halfies! :D

   likes to applaud inanimate objects just to see if they react 

   it me or does that guy with the golden voice look like mac tonight ?

   wondering why people are giving me cards on MLK day saying "my bad"....

   Screw getting an alarm system. I've seen Home Alone, I know what to do.

   Why dont we have a John Lennon Day? I mean he was all about peace & togetherness......just sayin

   My wife is so fat she speaks in surround sound!!

   My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums!!

   Has anyone thought about the fact that Mr.KRABS lives in BIKINI BOTTOM?

   Leaving tha house to start todays blactivities!

   at the book store I saw a book titiled "LEGACY FOR ALL" a record of Achievements by Black American Scientists..... not surprised that the book was only 27 pages thick.

   The second coolest thing ab a car charger is you can use it to lift your phone up when it slides between the seat..

   Happy MLK day! In honor, I'm gonna start the day with a bowl of chocolate milk, and cocoa puffs.

   Someone go take out a famous black guy so we can get another day off next year