life Funny Status Messages

   Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life

   Sometimes it feels like my only goal in life is just to wake up once a day.

   Sorry I ruined your life. I thought you were flirting with me.

   .... There are two things in life that are certain ... and I took care of one of them today .... I'm really hoping the other one will hold off for quite a while!!!

   .... There are only two things that are certain in life .... and I took care of one of them today .... let's hope the other one holds off for a while ....

   This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

   Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!

   Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.

   LIFE HACK: Living out of your car isn't so bad if you keep telling yourself you're "on tour"

   At the end of each day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'

   Nothing worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time in your life.

   If by "brighten your life" you mean I set you on fire than yes I here to brighten your life!

   At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?

   Odd how all the 'intelligent life finding instruments' are pointed away from earth.

   If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.

   When life hands you pig hooves and horse gums, make hot dogs.

   You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.

   Life Tip: Always read medication instructions in a mocking voice

   Not now life... come back when I'm drunk.

   I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything. And when we’re together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might have never met you.