Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon don't piss on my boot and tell me it's raining
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:25 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:14 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like a good neighbor, State farm is there.. With two neeighborhood kids to shovel my driveway................ Aww man! that Sh*t don't work!
←Rate | 02-04-2011 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:53 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to start "The Gas is to Damm High Party" who's with me!
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My give a damn maybe busted, but my can of whoop ass is ready to pop.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentines advance: If she goes to the party, watches the entire Super Bowl and has a good time with you then she is valentine material.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a sign earlier that said 'Watch Batteries Fitted Here'. I couldn't see the entertainment in it myself.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Officer says "Gee, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:49 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:47 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it squirms it's Biology; if it stinks it's Chemistry; if it doesn't work it's Physics and if you can't understand it, it's Mathematics.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:46 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:46 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. Bill
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:45 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:44 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its funny how Governments evolution is opposite as to mans evolution.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:44 by SKIDROW Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I seduce it, really get it going, then leave it alone for ten minutes,maybe this paper will finish itself.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:42 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you are getting old when, you finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:40 by bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honestly, I'd hit Anderson Cooper too if I had the chance.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 08:33 by 1234 Comments (0)  




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