Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinking green so I'm gonna save some electricity and unplug my refrigerator then leave its contents outside

   wondering why so many people spend money they don't have to buy stuff they don't need to impress people they don't like !

   ‎'Valentines day is soo over hyped...'-Every single person...:P

   why only VALENTINES DAY for the 1 you love the most..why it can't be 24/7, 365 days a year !!

   I am most like a mushroom. I am a fungi!

   Can't we all just get abong?

   Win of the day! I got pulled over by a state trooper for doing 65 in a 40. When he asked why I was going so fast I told him " I need a bathroom, I feel like I'm going to sh!t myself." he laughed so hard he let me go! No b.s.

   I hate these frozen TV dinners that gotta make things so complicated. Lets see... microwave on medium for 4 minutes then stir potatoes.... Stir potatoes???? Do I look like Wolfgang Puck?

   Sometimes love comes like a dream and leaves like a nightmare.

   Go ahead, tell us everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

   why does snoop dog carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE.

   If she's the best I've ever had, then she's the best I've had yet.

   "Weed is illegal" - "Yeah, so is half the music on your ipod."

   having more ups and downs than a hookers panties today.

   Every day I am forced to add another name to the list of people who piss me off.

   Just learned that Pop Tarts™ are NOT the breakfast of champions....I'm devastated!

   That awkward moment when you want to buy something, check the price and sadly, leave it there.

   thinking about how to integrate the lyrics "walk like an Egyptian" into another unique status update

   what do a pizza delivery guy and male gynecologist have in common? They can SMELL it, but they can't EAT it lol

   Girls dictionary: No = Yes , Maybe = No , We need = I want , We need to talk = I wanna compalin.