Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 525 of 6383
We bought an 82 inch TV. Football: awesome Porn: terrifying
←Rate |
10-12-2019 10:39
Comments (0)
Ladies, if he is calling you a 10/10 he calling you a 1. Do the math!
←Rate |
10-12-2019 06:23
Comments (0)
I really don't care if he runs this country into the ground. As long as he pisses off the libs.
←Rate |
10-12-2019 02:55
Comments (0)
A sure sign you need coffee is to wake up put water in the coffee maker and end up with a nice hot pot of water.
←Rate |
10-11-2019 15:59
Comments (0)
Just to be clear, since some people are so dense to understand this, we don't hate cops, we only hate the corrupted ones.
←Rate |
10-11-2019 14:43
Comments (0)
You'd be surprised at how quick Lowe's employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...
←Rate |
10-11-2019 09:10 by Gabe
Comments (1)
Ever notice that adding "after hours" or "after dark" to anything makes it sexy? Walmart after hours Walmart after dark Almost anything...
←Rate |
10-10-2019 18:57
Comments (0)
Pro Tip: If you make a sex tape, make sure it plays Disney music in the background. That way, if it gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.
←Rate |
10-10-2019 11:59
Comments (0)
Friend: Just make sure you compliment her on something you've observed [On a date] Me: You're really good at eating
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:12
Comments (0)
I don't know who needs to hear this, but those single unmatched socks that have been on top of your dryer for years have a better chance of finding a mate than you do.
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:11
Comments (0)
tag: “dry clean only” me: single-use garment? what a waste
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:10
Comments (0)
Went to bed with a can of pringles, woke up and finished them. Always finish what you start.
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:10
Comments (0)
Me: *cutting fingernails* Man next to me on bus: please stop cutting my nails
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:10
Comments (0)
Can anyone live in a sewer or do you have to be a clown or a Ninja Turtle
←Rate |
10-10-2019 06:09
Comments (0)
It looks like Turkey did take Trump's economy threat seriously. Gee, what a surprise.
←Rate |
10-09-2019 11:26
Comments (0)
some of these jokes are funny some are corny, but it is sure better than hate that some of you idiots post
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:47
Comments (0)
I hear there is a new scientific term for how mushrooms multiply. It's called a sporegasm.
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:37
Comments (0)
She was just a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:37
Comments (0)
Archaeologists in Peru have discovered a 500 year old machine that allowed eggs to hatch. It was called an Incabator.
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:35
Comments (0)
Woke up coughing this morning, I reckon I've got pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis but it's hard to say
←Rate |
10-09-2019 06:34
Comments (0)