Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5240 of 6446

Why do I keep seeing the word "surprised" on statuses? Really! Today you were surprised to get candy and flowers at work from your bf, gimme a break. Tattoo nieve on your forehead please.
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02-14-2011 17:50
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when I got pulled over, the cop said he clocked me doing 75 mph in 55 mph zone. I asked "WHERE D'YA GET THAT APP?"

would like to remind any unhappy souls today that St Valentine was beaten to death with clubs

On Valentines day I am actually ❒ Single ❒ Taken ❒ Ball'in ❒ Pimp'n ✔ Hungry for Chocolate
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02-14-2011 16:56
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Today is the only day Women can relate to condoms, their either on you or in your wallet !
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02-14-2011 16:46
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I just got an email asking me if I wanted to "be larger so I could please my lady." Heck no! She's the one who put me on this diet to begin with!

I called in sick for work today. It was a sunday, my boss says "you dont work today" I paused and said "oh..ill call you tomorrow than"
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02-14-2011 16:24
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the best thing about Valentines day is...half price chocolate Tuesday!
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02-14-2011 16:11
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True fact of the day: On March 13, 1781 Uranus was discovered ........ ha ha Uranus
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02-14-2011 16:02
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First she wears a dress made from raw meat and now she arrives at the Grammys in a giant egg. I can't watch any more. My cholesterol level keeps going up.

Valentines day. Where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.

Bartering goods for sex is prostitution but today its ok? Happy Valentine's Day!!!
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02-14-2011 15:36 by Scottie b
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time for class...today will never be called ValentiMe's day...learn to speak people
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02-14-2011 15:19 by Judge Coe
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had Lady Gaga started her first performance from inside her fathers' condom, last night would have never occurred
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02-14-2011 14:42 by Judge Coe
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at the next awards' show, Lady Gaga will begin her performance by being squeezed from a cow's udders
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02-14-2011 14:39 by Judge Coe
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This valentines day is going to suck(period)
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02-14-2011 14:08 by Skedee
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Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day."

now accepting applications for a Valentine...Requirements as follows : 1) Pulse 2) Female...as the day progresses, requirement #1 may become negotiable...
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02-14-2011 13:09 by M.A.C.
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If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.

Just to be different, I cry about being single on the 4th of July, and celebrate Valentine's Day with explosives.