Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   there a better scream-along song than Journey's Don't Stop Believin'?

   For some reason, girls don't like it when you grab their hair, make a whipping motion, and say 'mush.' Go figure.

   FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" ; )

   Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

   What's drinking? A mere pause from thinking!

   If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

   If evolution is true, apes would still be evolving into humans.

   snoop dog is now an active member on nickelodeon. GREAT! if my son is walkin around with a cane and a purple jump suit with a blunt hangin out his face when hes 12 i'll know why.

   Who ever said, " nothing is impossible!" never tried nailing jello to a tree.

   "What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?" "You can't make a vitamin..."

   With all the money Charlie Sheen makes, he should just buy CBS & rename it CharlieSheenBS! I'd watch everyday!!

   i wonder how mant people us FaceBook to establish an "Alibi"?!?!? Hmmm , off to work!!

   Sometimes I know I shouldn't......and that's exactly why I do.

   March 4th. I like tomorrows date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!...WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA!! Crap, didn't work.

   I had to sell my halo to Cash4Gold, So I blame the economy for my attitude....

   With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm going to be BAD this year and hope Santa brings me COAL!!!

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

   ever felt you are just one good sh*t away from the perfect tummy??

   does anyone else instantly turn into a 3 year old and can't find there mouth as soon as they put on a white shirt