Funny Status Messages

   Grand Theft Auto is the only sourse in which I am able to express myself freely without any consequences

   My Take on Glee: So it's people singing, dancing, and having sex, all with a guy in a wheelchair watching. Kinda like an orgy at Larry Flynt's house.

   custom fitted, custom kitted, wood grain, custom errything, whats that on the seat? custom mustard stain.

   Silence is golden, but Duct tape is silver.

   I love listening to my neighbor talk about his four year degree and when he's done I say...can you supersize that, then drive up to the pick up window.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   Love is like a glass door… Sometimes you don't see it and it smacks you right in the face.

   Considering the millions of people using Facebook... someone somewhere must be typing the same word at the same time as I am... so... JINX!

   I'm thinking about going out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought and nearly died for my right to party...

   Blackberries are like girls, they only work when you rub one little button. iPhones are like men. One touch, anywhere and they respond.

   "Relationships - are for ugly people!" - Charlie Sheen

   If you had to go without sex and wear ugly clothes you'd be nun to happy too.

   Shirt tail under chin, shorts around ankles, both hands on pecker.......I just "little boy" peed

   You do the work of three people......Larry, Moe and Curly.

   Hey on LifeTime channel it is incest week! CHeck it out..

   My mom will never let me get a tiger blood snowcone ever again...that Charlie Sheen.

   INTERPOL has issued an arrest warrant for Muammar Gaddafi ...sounds like a job for Dog the Bounty hunter.

   A lady is like a piano...If not upright she is grand

   Drove to work on a donut today.. Other than the glaze being sticky.. It went pretty well..

   Charlie Sheens Interview was like watching Tom Arnold, Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox all rolled into one human.