Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5175 of 6446

Considering the millions of people using Facebook... someone somewhere must be typing the same word at the same time as I am... so... JINX!

I'm thinking about going out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought and nearly died for my right to party...

Blackberries are like girls, they only work when you rub one little button. iPhones are like men. One touch, anywhere and they respond.

"Relationships - are for ugly people!" - Charlie Sheen
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03-04-2011 17:31
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If you had to go without sex and wear ugly clothes you'd be nun to happy too.
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03-04-2011 17:16
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Shirt tail under chin, shorts around ankles, both hands on pecker.......I just "little boy" peed
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03-04-2011 16:40
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You do the work of three people......Larry, Moe and Curly.
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03-04-2011 16:33
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Hey on LifeTime channel it is incest week! CHeck it out..
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03-04-2011 16:21
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My mom will never let me get a tiger blood snowcone ever again...that Charlie Sheen.
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03-04-2011 16:12
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INTERPOL has issued an arrest warrant for Muammar Gaddafi ...sounds like a job for Dog the Bounty hunter.
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03-04-2011 15:05
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A lady is like a piano...If not upright she is grand
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03-04-2011 15:04
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Drove to work on a donut today.. Other than the glaze being sticky.. It went pretty well..
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03-04-2011 14:27
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Charlie Sheens Interview was like watching Tom Arnold, Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox all rolled into one human.

Dear Starbucks and gas stations...it isn't a competition to see who can charge more.
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03-04-2011 13:42
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Those who do not understand me fear me. Those who do understand me fear for themselves...lol
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03-04-2011 13:39 by tc
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Trust me when I tell you.. Your Lugz DO NOT look like Timberlands..
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03-04-2011 13:03
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Setting your stove to 425, and opening the door...not very efficient, but somewhat effective when your furnace isn't working and the fix-it guy can't get there till late morning! Instead of 57 degrees...its now a balmy 60. *Wins
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03-04-2011 12:55 by Knuter
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Move over weight watchers, there is a new diet in town it's called I can feed my family cause I just filled my gas tank
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03-04-2011 12:53
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hot darn thanks to you now I'm in trouble for crusin on facebook.....thanks grandma
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03-04-2011 12:50 by gullyboy
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at walmart waitin for the greeter to greet me...ive been sittin in the car for 30mins now...
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03-04-2011 12:44 by gullyboy
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