Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To the redheaded guy on CSI Miami...you're not Clint Eastwood so knock it off!!!

   Non-Smoker - I hate cigarettes...!Smoker - Me too , thats why I am burning it. ! !

   I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.

   April 19th 2011 at 8:11pm Skynet went active.

   Cold weather reminds me that I have nipples.

   That was delicious corn on the cob. If you could have seen me enjoying it you would have thought I was a corn star.

   ......and remember kids........never trust an air traffic controller

   Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

   False hope is the only thing that gets me through the day

   Some people tell me they think I may have Tourettes. I've got know idea BALLSACK what they're talking about.

   I believe there's a direct correlation as to why women who have a mustache always wear a sarong over their swimwear.

   I think Tampax should change their slogan to "From our box, to yours".

   I think Tampax should change their slogan to "From out box, to yours".

   i just found out that the earthquake in japan was an inside job by the illuminati. search it on youtube "Alex Jones Says Japan Earthquake Possibly an Inside Job"

   I know Karate!.........and, like 2 other Japanese words.

   You know right about now cyphing gas outta folks cars really dont sound that crazy too me

   Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

   If you can read thank a teacher. If you can read in English, thank a Marine.

   "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen is playing on the radio.....brings back memories of my kick ball days in elementary school, I was a beast.....I coulda been a contender!.

   The slogan for every brand of tequila should be "Tequila... because we understand that sometimes you just need to get f*cked up."