Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?... It's gonna take a while to get me hard. I just got laid by some chick.

   A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of my old bills.

   Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.

   Best three Kings of all time!! Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

   Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..

   I will avoid tomorrow those who eat Easter eggs today

   Your mother sat on my glasses and broke them, I guess it's partially my fault, I should of took them off my face first.

   Would go play on the playground, but doesn't have anyone to push him on the swings or sit on the see saw with

   his own bunny rabbit and will name him George and hug him and pet him and squeeze him

   Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life

   for some people religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks.

   almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency

   silly rabbit Easter is for Jesus.

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!

   Shouln't the Monday after Easter Sunday be known as Egg Salad Monday?

   Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!

   OMG! Jesus is back! .... Hide the eggs!

   She said "Harder!" I did that. She said "Faster!" I did that. She said "Deeper!" I philosophized.

   The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.

   We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.