Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just took this personality test, and it said. "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."

   that everyone should stop giving Americans a hard time! After all it's not their fault that they have glow in the dark teeth!... Oh wait a minute. I maybe it is!

   I still think Princess Fiona's wedding with Shrek was better.

   Congratulations goes out to Kate Middleton. She just married Cap'n Crunch

   With all the ugly hats and horse teeth, I thought it was the Kentucky Derby...

   the royal wedding is as close to porn for females as you're ever gonna see...except Twilight

   Call me when there's a Royal Honeymoon video....

   ate broccoli twice yesterday and now his car smells like a mobile crematorium that only cooks buttholes.

   just ate a Kit Kat and a multivitamin, like a F'n American!

   noticed that while someone is speaking to him, 80% of his inner dialouge is wondering if his face looks interested

   it just me or do women's sunglasses get bigger and bigger and bigger?!? Relax with those things, eventually we have to see your face with your colored contacts and fake eye lashes.

   I didn't watch the royal wedding but I had a disturbing dream that Queen Elizabeth and Queen Latifah did a "chest bump" during the nuptuals! :/

   damn I hope Prince William is Secretly gay. That will split that snooty ass family apart..

   Did anyone else see Gary Busey get married this morning?

   So they don't have Rogaine in England, huh?

   He's really got his father's scalp.

   I had no idea Elton John married Matt Lauer?!

   Never trust a man that comes out of a bathroom with dry hands...

   This morning William said "Good morning, Mrs. Duchess," Kate said "Good morning, Mr. Duke," and then a sparrow threw up.

   Why is the Queen dressed like the guy who owned Curious George?