father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...

   Take the name of your first pet and add the street that your first pet got ran over on to get your step father's Tinder name.

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff...

   If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.

   Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!

   Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!

   Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury

   Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.

   Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!

   Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.

   Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.

   Funny thing I just heard my computer call out to it's father......"Data"

   I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...

   "Dad what's an infinite loop?"..."Ask your mother."... "Mom what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your father."... "Dad what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your........