father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   Star Wars (1977) An epic tale of a pair of gay robots teamed up with incestous siblings to help them destry their father's midlife crisis toy.

   With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.

   A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...

   Take the name of your first pet and add the street that your first pet got ran over on to get your step father's Tinder name.

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff...

   If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.

   Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!

   Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!

   Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury

   Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.