Funny Status Messages

   Are Liquor Stores considered essential businesses and therefore required to remain open? Asking for a friend.

   Darn Facebook is so packed with traffic I had to walk over from Instagram as someone parked in Myspace.

   Studies have confirmed that women can significantly increase imMunity to COVID by ingesting semen.

   Finland has closed its borders. Now no one can cross the Finnish line

   Have I ever been in a stable relationship? I’m not into livestock, you sick twist. What’s wrong with you? Why did your mind even go there?

   Remember on 'The Wire' when the drug dealers in Hamsterdam were like, "Got that pandemic!"? HBO should do a 'Where are they Now?' episode...

   Tiger King is like watching the UPN Network version of The Lion King, produced by Jerry Springer.

   We Just bought 12 pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.

   Tried oscillating today! Not a fan!

   I never thought that giving up going to work for Lent would be so easy.

   You think it’s hard to train dogs? We can’t even get people to sit and stay

   Learned two lessons today. 1) Kitchen sex can be wild and exciting. 2) The staff at The Olive Garden are very narrow minded.

   What is all this talk about sacrificing grandma in order to boost the economy??? You people are sick!

   A 17-year-old whose death was initially linked to the novel coronavirus despite not having any previously reported health conditions was denied treatment at a California medical facility. Very Commie of them.

   For once in my life I think I found a new diet that really seems to be working for me! That called " I better not eat too much as I'm starting to run low on toilet paper"

   I bought some TP at the dollar store today so yeah, life is going pretty good these days...

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   Fake Christian below.

   idiot post below

   I toilet papered my house last night. It's now worth 1.4 million.