Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4816 of 6374
I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking.
My day is not complete until I get someone to shake their head.
My girlfriend loves it when I talk dirty to her during sex. I'm pissed off at her though, so tonight when we make love I'm going to tell her how beautiful she is.
I just got diagnosed with a very rare disease. "The more I get older, the sexier and better looking I become". Don't worry, it's not contagious. There's no cure for it and it just gets worst everyday...
If you can go the entire car ride without eating some of your french fries, you're obviously some type of sorcerer.
When society collapses, who do I talk to about being killed last?
←Rate |
06-05-2011 16:39
Comments (0)
What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?
←Rate |
06-05-2011 15:40
Comments (0)
I went for a self-defence class last night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me" So when I saw him in Sainsburys the next day I threw a tin of beans at his head.
←Rate |
06-05-2011 15:25 by @clarkysj
Comments (0)
If I had a nickel for every time someone said I'm bad at math, I'd have 47 cents.
←Rate |
06-05-2011 15:20 by seddy90
Comments (0)
Taco bell always makes me wonder, who ate this burrito before I did.
←Rate |
06-05-2011 15:14
Comments (0)
quit telling me how addictive the things I ingest are...you know what else is addictive?!!?! EFFIN FOOD..if you stop eating you will have withdraws too!! FREAKS!!
←Rate |
06-05-2011 14:54
Comments (0)
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!
←Rate |
06-05-2011 14:50 by BRian
Comments (0)
I went outside once.... The graphics were alright, but the gameplay sucked
←Rate |
06-05-2011 14:28
Comments (0)
maybe jfraze should read the homepage that sais statuses for facebook...just sayin....Love not anger..
←Rate |
06-05-2011 14:08
Comments (0)
i think i'd have to be pretty hammered to see Thor
←Rate |
06-05-2011 13:47 by levon
Comments (0)
Today's excuse for drinking beer: "I wanted some beer."
←Rate |
06-05-2011 13:23
Comments (0)
i wish there was a friend, who could help me as much, as music does
←Rate |
06-05-2011 13:09 by BreAsia
Comments (0)
I liked The Hangover II more the first time I saw it. When it was called The Hangover.
←Rate |
06-05-2011 12:41
Comments (0)
Was going to complain about the people downstairs having loud s*x, but they finished before I could type this status, I think premature ejaculation is probably punishment enough
←Rate |
06-05-2011 12:26
Comments (0)
That awkward moment when you and the girl you just met ran out of things to talk.
←Rate |
06-05-2011 11:43
Comments (0)