Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 470 of 6383
I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:58
Comments (0)
Growing up as a kid, My family could never afford that fancy Burt's Bees cleansing comfort lotion, no sir,,, we made do with Herbert's Hornets lacerating pain venom.
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:57
Comments (0)
Moses walks down Mt. Sinai, tablets in hand, and assembles the Israelites. Moses announces, "I've got good and bad news. The good news is that I got Him down to 10." "What's the bad news?", a voice cries out. "Adultery is still in."
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:56
Comments (0)
A lion attacks a bull then eats him in just a few minutes. When he is done he lets out a loud roar. while he is roaring a hunter comes and shoots the lion killing him instantly. The moral of the story? When you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:55
Comments (0)
Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on Hang on..... Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:54
Comments (0)
90 percent of being married is shouting, "WHAT" from other rooms.
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:51
Comments (0)
Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:51
Comments (0)
I asked the lead singer of Hall & Oates to name one of his favorite bands. He said, "KISS is on my list."
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:25
Comments (0)
Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here's how it works: If you're breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you're probably drunk.
←Rate |
01-30-2020 06:19
Comments (0)
Dilemma: Watching your mother inlaw driving towards a cliff in your brand new car.
←Rate |
01-29-2020 20:38 by STARMAN
Comments (0)
Today January 68th or is it the 69th...
←Rate |
01-29-2020 14:56 by Wolf
Comments (0)
How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
←Rate |
01-29-2020 14:35
Comments (0)
Went to the car wash and asked for one of those Brazilian wax jobs everyone's been talking about.
←Rate |
01-29-2020 14:34
Comments (0)
McDonalds …closing thigh gaps since 1967.
←Rate |
01-29-2020 13:40
Comments (0)
¡ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq I ǝɯᴉʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sᴉ sᴉɥʇ
←Rate |
01-29-2020 10:43 by Moon
Comments (0)
I’ve never had a Popeyes chicken sandwich, but I do enjoyed a little Olive Oyl!
←Rate |
01-28-2020 20:57 by Ira
Comments (0)
My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
←Rate |
01-28-2020 14:34
Comments (0)
Darn, I missed the Grammy awards show again, which makes like 10 years in a row now.
←Rate |
01-28-2020 08:29
Comments (0)
I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
←Rate |
01-28-2020 06:25
Comments (0)
My dog caught me petting another dog and now we have to start a couple's Facebook account.
←Rate |
01-28-2020 06:25
Comments (0)